lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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