i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
