Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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