KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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