I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
