Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
