i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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