Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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