Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
