We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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