So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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