Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
