I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
