trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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