he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
