i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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