Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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