did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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