So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
