i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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