we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
