I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
