my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
