Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
