i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
