I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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