You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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