New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
