woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
