Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
