I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
