brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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