haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I could fuck to npr.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
