i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
