Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
