i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
