Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
