i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
