Redeem this text for a blowjob
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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