He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
