I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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