i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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