sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
