happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
