I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
