singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
