god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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