just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
