Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
