You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The struggles of a small town man whore
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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