did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
