I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
