I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
