I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
