no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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