apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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