She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
