K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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