Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
