I met the friendliest cop last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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