I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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