Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Welp...herpes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize