We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
