wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
