I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Couch. On fire.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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