If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
