I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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