New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
