Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
don't judge my taste in strippers
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You were trust falling into bushes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
