Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
