I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
