I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
