Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
