pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
