Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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