On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
