Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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