he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
