the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
