woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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