I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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