so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
