I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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